The Past 7 Years...

How does time fly by so quickly?  How does it also seem to crawl as slow as a turtle at the same time?

As I look back at the last few years and all the twists and turns I have taken and look at where I am today... I never would have guessed where I've ended up!

For all of you out there who are wondering what the plans are that God has for you, I just want to say that they are better then you could ever imagine!  I know you probably hear that all the time, but I can honestly say that I have seen it play out in my life...

Wherever He has you right now, no matter the circumstance, no matter the training, no matter the situations you are in, all of it is being used to prepare you for the next step in life.  It may seem that you're stuck in a rut, or your dreams seem so unattainable or (if you are like me) you don't seem to have a specific goal in life to run towards right now, God is preparing you.


Graduating with one of my best friends!

When I graduated from high school in 2008, I seriously thought that I would take a gap year, work and hopefully in that year, figure out what I wanted to get a degree in at whichever college I felt God directing me towards....  I seriously had no idea what I wanted to get a degree in or how I was going to pay for that degree... but I was going to go, because, well that's what everyone expected of me.  That's what the norm was...

Our God's plans are SO FAR FROM WHAT WE WOULD CALL NORMAL THOUGH!! :) 

After 9 months of working at an alpaca farm, I became so sick that I could no longer work.  I was exhausted all the time and as soon as I would eat I would have to take a nap because my body was working so hard to just break down the small amount of food I was eating!
* (this was the first time I saw a reason why God had me stay home... if I had gone to college I would have most definitely needed to drop out.)
After lots of testing and going different natural routes we figured out that I needed to drastically change my diet.  Without going into a lot detail, suffice it to say, that within 3 weeks of changing my diet I was off all medication!  However, this diet was going to be with me for the rest of my life.  Yes, I can eat a little bit more "out of the box" than I used to.  But for the most part I have to eat only what God created and placed on earth for us to eat...no processing involved!


Siblings!

Due to the diet, this brought up more complications as far as going to college.  I still didn't know what I wanted to go for and now, how was I going to have time to cook all this food I needed while still trying to live a regular college lifestyle.  It looked like another year at home...so I decided to take some high school classes in apologetics, Christian worldviews and the Life of Christ.  Over the next 4 semesters I took 5 classes from Apologia Academy! 

God was definitely at work, I was soaking all these classes up like a sponge and absolutely loving what I was learning...so much so, that I asked my teacher to come up at do an apologetics conference at our church after the first year of taking classes! 

However, during that first year of classes, we watched the movie. "Return of the Daughters" and it made a huge impact in my life.  Our family truly felt that God was calling my sister and I to stay at home and find places to serve in our church and family.  THIS WAS NOT PART OF MY PLAN...but again, GOD'S PLANS ARE NOT OUR PLANS! :) 

Staying home provided me with ample opportunities to spend with my grandparents and other family


Playing with our cousins kids!

members.  For example, my cousin has 6 kids, so I was able to help her with homeschooling them.  I was able to be involved with our church youth group and just all around serve wherever I was needed... 

However, I was struggling with depression...I'm not going to lie, it wasn't easy being a stay at home daughter, when everyone expected me to go to college.  I knew God wanted me to stay at home, but nobody else seemed to understand that!  Going to college was the norm...and if I wasn't going to go to college, why wasn't I getting a job that would support me enough so I could move out of my parents home??  I am a people pleaser and the thought that I couldn't live up to the expectations of the people who I loved so much hurt and caused me to be constantly second guessing myself.  My parents supported me and they were in 100% agreement with my decision but there were a lot people who felt I was wasting my life.  I began to agree with them and feel like my life had no purpose...sure I could help people out when they needed it, but I didn't have a goal I was working to accomplish, a purpose in life that I felt I needed. 

Picture Scavenger Hunt W/ the Youth Group!

This went on for three years, where I would be thrilled with the freedom I had to serve in ways I never would have if I had gone to college.  Thrilled that I could spend time with family and friends and build relationships with people I never would have had the opportunity to...and then the pendulum would swing in the other direction, I wasn't fulfilling the expectations of the people I was around.  What was my life purpose?  Why did God put me here?  Satan used my uncertainties to flood my mind with lies, I was worthless, stupid, unneeded, a failure...you get the picture.  It got to the point where I didn't have any dreams that I felt I could pursue because I was too scared I would fail or that I wouldn't be able to do.

Then God led us to a WIT Conference (Whatever It Takes).  This conference changed my life.  Yes, I had a hard time opening up, but God gave me a group of young ladies that were all at the same point in life as me.  Most of them had decided to stay home as well, but most of us had contemplated that unmentionable thing...suicide...because we had all been listening to Satan's lies.  We were worthless, we were unlovable, we would never be good for anything, etc.   We could never live up to the expectations of the people around us.  If there was one thing we all learned at that conference, it was this... Our validation is to come from Christ Alone!  His expectations of us are the only ones I should be concerned with.  Not trying to please my parents, grandparents, church family, aunts and & uncles, friends... Pleasing God alone.  If I do what God calls me to do than the rest of my life will fall into

WIT Conference

place.  It shouldn't matter to me if I'm not fulfilling the expectations of others, God is calling me to something different from everyone else and that is ok...  Yes, I may like to be in the background and just blend in with everyone else and not draw attention to the fact that I may be different, but God is calling me to something else and He has a purpose for doing that...  He created me PERIOD.  He saved me PERIOD.  He has a purpose for me PERIOD.  They had us write out a statement stating who we are in Christ.  Not who we thought we were, but who God had called us to be and what He called us.  We were to find Scripture to back up these "Being Purpose Statements".

This was the best thing I could have done.  I came back from that conference a changed person. Was life perfect from then on, no.  Did I still struggle over the next year, yes.  But there was improvement and I wasn't having suicidal thoughts.  I knew who I was in Christ, and I was seeking his validation NOT seeking validation from the people I was around.  Did I have a purpose, not necessarily, not by the worlds standards.  But I did have a purpose, to know my God and to make Him known to others.  To serve others in order to make Him smile, not anyone else.  To fulfill His expectations of me, not worry about the expectations that other people were placing on me.

We went back to the WIT conference the following year, and although I was no longer struggling with fulfilling other people's expectations of me, I was struggling with the expectations I was placing on myself and I was having a hard time communicating with my parents.  Truly opening up to them and talking about heart issues, simply because of lies I had started believing again. Lies about them and about myself.  I was struggling with assumptions.  Assuming they felt this way or were thinking certain things. I assumed they were disappointed or upset with me.  I assumed a lot and  I needed to be reminded of the truths found in God's Word.  I needed to be reminded to communicate rather than hold everything inside!

I say all this because after four years of questioning, doubting and struggling things started to change when I truly accepted who God was calling me to be... 



Sorting Food at the Church in NYC

That fall of 2012, my sister, Dad and I visited a church in NYC.  It is a wonderful church whose passion is to preach the gospel and serve the people.  They have a food pantry that serves several hundred people each week.  My main spiritual gift is service, and this church needed people who were willing to serve wherever and I absolutely loved it down there!  Following that first visit, we have tried to visit every 3-4 months since then.  The Pastor and his family became wonderful friends and the opportunities we have had to serve down there have been incredible.

That following spring (2013) my Grandfather passed away.  I was the closest to him out of all my grandparents...and it was really hard to see him go.  However, I saw what a blessing it had been that I had been home those last few years and had been able to spend time with him.  Six months later, my Nana passed away, again I was reminded how fortunate I was to have spent all that time with her.  4 months later my last Grandparent passed away, my Mom's mom.  I had spent a lot of time with Grammy throughout my childhood & teen years and to see her go was really hard.

As I look back at that year, I can see how God gave me so many opportunities to spend time with them that I never would have had I been away at college.

At this point God started bringing little ways here and there for me to bring in money and for that I was extremely thankful.  My health was doing better and it was neat to see how my change in diet had brought other sick people into my life who I was able to send to the same person who helped me with my diet.  One of those people happened to be a very close friend who I had grown up with and
she was battling cancer.  She wanted to go the natural route, but the medication just wasn't stopping the cancer fast enough or killing enough of it.  As I saw this cancer pulling the life out of her, I saw

Celebrating my girlfriends birthday after hearing her
cancer was in remission!

another reason why God had kept me at home and caused me to be sick... I had the opportunity to talk to this girlfriend about the diet and send her to the person that helped me and within a few months of changing her diet the Doctors were seeing marked improvement.  Wow, my sickness that I had seen as "evil" was in fact being used to help other people... Isn't there a verse about that? :} 

"But as for you, ye thought evil against me; but God meant it unto good, to bring to pass, as it is this day, to save much people alive."  Genesis 50:20 (Joseph speaking to his brothers)

Btw...that girlfriend is now cancer free!!!  God is good!

Over those next few years, I had lots of opportunities to get involved with political campaigns, serve several times a year down at that church in NYC, build relationships with family members that had been strained and stretch myself in ways that made me depend on my God even more.  Those 6 years out of high school really helped me build a foundation for my adult life.  It made me question my

Serving At Samaritan's Purse
with Operation Christmas Chld

faith, which in turn strengthened it as I searched for answers.  I could help people that I never would have been able to, had I not gone through it myself.

Between 2012 & 2013 there were several ministry internships that were offered to me or ones that I was thinking of applying for and I would pray over them, get some counsel...you know, look for the Lord's direction and each time either my parents or myself wouldn't have a complete peace.  There was one internship in particular that I had complete peace with, I felt it would be a safe environment but yet would definitely stretch me, while being able to serve God in a unique way... However, my parents did not have peace with me taking the internship.  We prayed about it, I kept asking and they kept saying no.  I knew after a year that I needed to settle this.  As I prayed, the Lord brought to mind the verse,

"Honour thy father and thy mother, as the LORD thy God hath commanded thee; that thy days may be prolonged, and that it may go well with thee, in the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee."  Deuteronomy 5:16

as well as,

"Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. HONOR YOUR FATHER AND MOTHER (which is the first commandment with a promise), SO THAT IT MAY BE WELL WITH YOU, AND THAT YOU MAY LIVE LONG ON THE EARTH.…"  Ephesians 6:2

So, I made the decision that day, that I would honor my parents.  If they didn't have a peace about it, then there was reason for that and I needed to trust the guidance that God had given them...  About a year after that decision, I discovered that the ministry had some core beliefs that were very different from my own... God used my parents to protect me from a situation that I would not have wanted to be committed to and then found out later on that it wasn't where I needed to be...

During the summer of 2012 I started working at a horse stable.  Working as a stable hand, but also riding and training whenever I had the opportunity.  God used this job to grow my confidence in so many ways and also provide some income...  By the end of 2014 however, we had to put down the


Competing at my first Dressage Competition

horse I was riding and the position I had been holding at the barn was not going to be available... I was again at a crossroads in life...  Where did God want me?  There wasn't a ministry internship I could go to at that time.  I was out of a job and to some degree a dream...I had hoped to do something with horses in my future.   So I started praying again... Trusting in God's timing...I had seen Him at work in other ways, I could trust Him to still be at work.

That December, our church secretary announced she and her husband were leaving for FL the following spring.  Our Pastor approached Dad to hint that if I was interested the job could be mine... Of course I was ecstatic, this job, was something that would be part time, so I could still serve in the ministries I was already serving in, it would bring a paycheck in and it would be another way of serving in the ministry.  I started training mid-December and was full time by January!  God can work quick and unexpectedly....

By February I was settling into the job, still learning a lot, but loving it, when I received an offer to become a part-time assistant firearms and defensive tactics instructor for Critical Defense Institute....Ok..a bit of a shocker!!  I had been attending the self-defense classes for 10 months at that point as well as taking their defensive pistol classes...

Let's take a step back...I grew up riding horses, then training alpacas, we were raised in the country,

Target Shooting

but I love the city and had looked at internships that were all located in large metropolis's (ie. NYC, Boston, Houston) you get the picture.  I had only started target shooting when I was around 21 just for fun and something to do with my Dad.  I was looking for a place to serve in the ministry, but some things had happened in the city that had caused me to want to take some self-defense classes so I had started taking them since May of 2014 and had been going twice a week since then. 

What did I say earlier?  GOD'S PLANS ARE NOT OUR PLANS!  The self-defense classes had awoken a side of me that absolutely thrived under the training!  I loved both the self-defense classes as well as the firearms training.  I truly felt alive and the more I learned, the more I wanted to share this training with other ladies.  Could I use it in a ministry setting, absolutely!  Could I use to earn money, absolutely!  Could God's plan for me to be a reflection of Him in the lives of so many people that have never even met a Christian be played out in this setting, absolutely!

So guess, where I am today?!  A secretary at our church and an Assistant Instructor at Critical Defense Institute!  I've been certified as an NRA Basic Pistol Instructor and I'm looking to hopefully someday be an actual Instructor at CDI!  Could I have foreseen where God has lead me, I would have laughed outright...and yet, I couldn't be happier!  I'm still living at home with my parents and my

Another Trip to NYC!

sister and the four of us are super close!

I write all of this to hopefully encourage all of you out there who might be battling any of the things I talked about.  Staying at home and meeting the expectations of others.  Getting sick and the many challenges that that brings.  Going through depression and suicidal thoughts.  Inability for find your purpose... Oh and did I mention that I'm still unmarried :]  yeah, another expectation that has come from both the outside world, our church family, family & friends...ourselves.  I want to wait and date the young man that is the one for me.  Not just date because it's what you do to get to know someone.  I can get to know someone serving in a ministry and know enough to decide if they are someone I want to spend the rest of my life with! :)  God has those of us that are still single, single because the plans he has for us will be best done as single people.  We can do the jobs he is calling us to perform better in the relationship status we are in now!  When and if he calls us to marriage, we can know that the jobs he will call us to will be better done as a married lady.  I am really ok, w/ not being in a relationship...yes, there are days I wonder...I am human and I know God has built within every young lady that desire to be married, therefore there are days that I look to the sky and ask God, what's up with the whole relationship thing?  But if my purpose is to know God and make Him known and I know that God is calling me to do certain things, then I can trust that my purpose on earth is being fulfilled without a marriage partner at this time.  And that is great! You and I don't have to worry about God forgetting about our relationship status...
Believe me, there are plenty of people out there praying for us about that ;}

Please, believe me when I say, GODS PLANS ARE BETTER!  My parents and sister know that there are days when I question everything I just wrote about, but deep down I know God has a plan and when you or I hit "waiting periods of life"...we need to see them as "training periods of life".  Where you and I are at right now, is where we can do the most damage to the enemy and have the most victory for our Savior!  God knows and is training us for the next step!



Best friends!

More Like Christ...

"The purpose of our suffering isn't to have a great testimony.  It isn't to point the finger of accusation at ourselves and say we brought on our calamity by our lack of faith.  No trials and struggles and distresses simply help us become more like Christ Jesus.  More selfless.  More giving.  More hope-filled.  More forgiving.  More abundant.
Life in the spirit, in the realm of spiritual warfare is not about a simple formula of you being good, God rewarding you w/ a happy life, and then telling everyone else to do the same.  It is a holy interaction with a-not-so-easy-to-understand God.  It's being near to Him even when it looks like He has forsaken you.  It's discipleship.  It's learning to have joy in pain.  That's the kind of life that stands out in a crazy, needy world."  - Mary E. Demuth, Beautiful Battle

A Glimpse Into My Journal...

Hello All!

I was writing in my prayer journal this morning and the Lord just impressed upon my heart to share what He has been teaching me.  I'm so thankful for Shannon and Abigail (fellow bloggers) and the way they have always been open with their readers and talked about the things they struggle with.  That is a gift to be able to do that and one that I have been trying to cultivate in my life.   So I'm just throwing a "thank you" out there to the two of them!  They have been an encouragement and blessing in my life because of their openness with their readers!

I can't say that I like to admit to failures in my life...yes I have a lot of them and will willingly admit to my physical failures, but the nitty gritty ones about how I view myself or my fears (about so many things) are not usually out there for people to see.  I only allow people so far and then (imagine whatever sound you want that brings forward images of a brick wall being built) a wall comes up.  Yeah, I don't like to be vulnerable, open and yet I know that is what God is calling me to do.  How can we minister to the hearts of other people and expect them to open up to us, if we never allow them to see within us?

I sat down and started thanking God for the ways he has worked in my life over the last year. I thanked Him for the many, uncountable times He has helped me through a situation (oh, if only I had asked for help from Him sooner, rather then later), opened my eyes to the spiritual battle that is swirling around us and my need to renounce Satan through Christ's power.  He has taught me so many things in the past 12 months that in many ways I am a very different person from who I was 1 year ago.

I thanked Him for the little things that were making me smile as I continued to write..things like warm, sunny rays that warmed me on the outside but that seemed to continue right through and touch my heart.  Things like my sister's dog, curling up against my legs as I got some extra sleep this morning...Things like genuine laughter with friends & family.... I thanked Him for mentors and the people in my life who truly want the best for me and have taught me so much...people who have made me feel safe enough to open up to them, people who I know love me for who I am - with all my faults - and accept me where I am at.  No judgment, because they know that we are all on a journey and none of us are perfect.

Can you tell I started getting deeper in my conversation as I went along? :)

I thanked Him for specific people like, Eric Ludy, Adrianne & John Shales, Paul & Jenny Speed (All people who I have impacted my life through their messages)...People who open up their hearts and lives to Christ, fully surrendered, OPEN about their sin, BROKEN over it and living in FREEDOM.  They trust Him with their future, past, dreams, failures, heartaches, joys...life...and then are vulnerable and humble enough to stand before other people and share their stories!

I thought of one of my instructors and how he can stand before our class and pretty much say "this is who I am, take me or leave me."  If someone doesn't like him, then it is their loss, he knows who and what he is and is comfortable with it - His confidence isn't shaken if someone doesn't like or approve of him.

It hit me...How much more should I, who know God as my Savior, Creator, Commander & Guide be unmovable in my beliefs and not care what others think of me, because I know who I am in Christ.  I know what the end goal of my life is.  I have the most powerful battle partner on my side and I know who will win the battle in the end.

So...

Why do I fear rejection, persecution, judgment & criticism?  Why do I hate the thought of being

unaccepted and different?  Because my focus is on the world and it's expectations and not on HIS!

God chose me before the foundations of the world were formed.   He loved me, accepted me, forgave me so much that He killed His Son that I might spend eternity with Him.  I need only to ask Him for help, strength, courage, you name it, and He is there, helping me conquer the lies and fears Satan is hurling at me.

I know that my confidence, courage, peace, joy, strength and validation should all come from HIM ALONE!   Not my abilities, not others words or treatment of me, but the knowledge of all the truths listed above should keep me in perfect peace.

"Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee; because he trusteth in thee."  Isaiah 26:3

"Behold, God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid: for the Lord JEHOVAH is my strength and my song; he also is become my salvation."  Isaiah 12:2

One of the biggest lessons I'm learning, is to being ok with who and how God has made me.  It is so easy to get caught up in what other Christians expect of me, what the world expects of me, even what my family expects of me and try to fulfill those expectations allowing those people to validate me in stead of my Heavenly Father...  I realize that my focus needs to wholly on Him, my reasons for doing something must be for Him and the way I do those things must be for Him.


These were just some of my thoughts this morning!  May God Bless All of You!

Are We Preparing Ourselves?

“To each there comes in their lifetime a special moment when they are figuratively tapped on the shoulder and offered the chance to do a very special thing, unique to them and fitted to their talents.  What a tragedy if that moment finds them unprepared or unqualified for that which could have been their finest hour.”  - Churchill

 

Releasing The Bottle

I started this post about a month ago... things got busy though and I forgot to post it...however, I wanted to leave that beautiful picture of what New England starts to look like at the beginning of October...just a week or two before peak foliage :)



It is that beautiful time here again in New England!!  The fall foliage is starting to burst out in crimson reds and golden hues of yellow and orange! "sigh"  I totally understand why we have "leaf peepers" (tourists that come for drives just to see the fall foliage) in our state!!

On another note though...

I joined my friend a few days ago on a trip to Boston to complete an event on her "24 List".  She turned 24 a week ago and has made a list of 24 things she wants to do while she is 24.  This dear friend has fought cancer over the last two years and finally won.  Over the past few months I have seen her return back to the girl I remembered and knew was still in their somewhere :)  She wants to live life to the fullest and cherish every moment!  Therefore, the list of 24 things she wants to experience this year is a list of sentimental, fun and adventurous things to do or opportunities to learn and stretch her creativity!  This trip to Boston included writing a message, putting it into a glass bottle and sending it out into the unknown.  Hoping, praying, wishing that someday, someone will find it and it will impact their lives....

"Why Suffer?": A Friend's Post

As I was reading through a friends blog, I came across her most recent article.  I asked her if I could share part of it here with you and then put a link for all of you to follow to her blog...  It was very perceptive and made me sit back and think and ask myself some questions... What do I hide from? Avoid? Remove myself from? Am I willing to accept what God has allowed into my life in order that He might be glorified?   Am I willing to live out the verse, "in my weakness, he is made strong."?

"Why suffer? Many have been asking this question since Brittany Maynard asked herself this question and sparked national news and controversy over the last few weeks.
I was saddened to read of Brittany Maynard’s death this weekend. After a diagnosis of terminal brain cancer, Brittany decided to end her own life instead of suffering through the last stages of the cancer. She was only 29. People all over the country have applauded her bravery and her choice to “die with dignity.”
I’m not writing this to condemn Brittany. I’m human too. I’d much rather avoid suffering if it was in my power to do so. I would also be desperate for some measure of control. As much as the thought of dying scares me, I’d rather it be quick than drawn out and painful. I can understand some of Brittany’s reasons for her decision. But there is a much deeper issue beneath Brittany’s desire to end her suffering."

Click here to read the rest of her post...

"We The People"

    "'We the people.' These are the first words of the United States Constitution.  'We the people'...do ordain and establish this Constitution of the United States of America."  Those aren't just pretty words.   They are a clear statement of the origin of all authority and power in this country.  This government by the people derives it's power from the people -- power flows from the bottom up, not from the top down. 
    The Constitution is not a document whereby an all-powerful government grants certain rights and privileges to its citizens.  No, it's the other way around.  The Constitution is a document whereby the citizens of the United States grant certain authorities and powers to the government.  'We the people' aren't passive recipients of rights granted in the Constitution; "We the people" are the actors, the initiators in this exchange.
    At least, we're supposed to be.  The truth is, 'We the people' have grown quite passive when it comes to our relationship to the government that we empower.  As a nation, we have grown quite ignorant of how and why our government works.  And in our ignorance and passivity, we have surrendered too many rights and freedoms to our government.

Our focus...True Manhood or True Womanhood?

I have been working my way through the book "Fierce Women" by Kimberley Wagner.  It's been GREAT!  :)  When I originally bought it I thought it was for women, single or married.  As I got into it though, I realized that it was written more for the married women...however, I have been able to apply a lot of what I've learned despite the fact that I am single :)  Relationships need work no matter what form of relationship they are...

As I read through one of the chapters this morning, a couple paragraphs stood out to me that I wanted to share with you. 

“True manhood shows up in daily choices that require character qualities like courage, integrity, perseverance, and self-sacrifice.  It’s  being a man of honor – taking personal responsibility, fulfilling duties, demonstrating valor, and showing a willingness to sacrifice and lead for the greater good.

"Love As I Loved"...

The words from Ron Hamilton's song, "Love As I Loved" have been ringing in my ears the past few days so I thought I would share the song with all of you :)

When the Lord was speaking to the crowd
A beggar came, who fell down
Before Christ and called out His Name
The disciples quickly came, and they turned the man away
Till they saw the Lord's compassion and they heard the Savior say-

One Person At A Time..

"Sometimes working in a third world country makes me feel like I am emptying the ocean with an eyedropper.'  Today it often still feels that way.  I have learned to be okay with this feeling because I have learned that I will not change the world.  Jesus will do that.  I can, however, change the world for one person...and if one person sees the love of Christ in me, it is worth every minute." 1. 

That quote was from Katie Davis' book "Kisses from Katie".  A book that from the first read has landed among my most favorite books.  I am going through it again for the second time and this entry from her journal really hit home for me.

Tempted to fear?

      "Women are always tempted to be initiators.  We like to get things done.  We want to talk about situations and feelings, get it all out in the open, deal with it.  It appears to us that men often ignore and evade issues, sweep things under the rug, forget about them, get on with projects, business, pleasures, sports, eat a big steak, turn on the television, roll over, and go to sleep.  Women respond to this tendency by insisting on confrontation, communication, showdown.  If we can't dragoon our men into that, we nag, we plead, we get attention by tears, silence, or withholding warmth and intimacy.  We have a large bag of tricks.

     C.S. Lewis's vision of purgatory was a place where milk was always boiling over, crockery smashing and toast burning.  The lesson assigned to the men was to do something about it.  The lesson for the women was to do nothing.  That would be purgatory for most of us."1.


Found on Pinterest

     I read this quote a few days ago and it has been burned in my memory since then.  I know in my own life, most of what this quote says rang true.  I want to communicate when something is wrong.  I want to fix the situation.  I want to fix every one's problems...and when certain people whether they be male or female, seem to ignore or evade or even seem to forget, (get ready for this, since I'm sure I am the only one that does this)  I either give the silent treatment or get confrontational....yep, I am no saint.  This is an area that God has really been working on my heart lately. 

Yes, I believe it is good to communicate, but so often what is spurring me on?  Is it fear or rational thinking that causes me to lose my control and demand communication?  I think we all know that a LOT of the time it is fear.  Fear of something getting out of control.  Fear of what others will think.  Fear that it is not moving quick enough.  Fear that something will go wrong if it is not taken care of. 

"Phases of the Moon"

In Sunday school last week our teacher brought up a parallel that I had never seen before...  I've been thinking about it all week and thought you all might enjoy it as well (if you haven't already heard it :]).

"Phases of the Moon"
Found on Pinterest

The moon reflects the light of the sun.  However as the planets rotate the earth blocks part of the sun from the moon and the light the moon is able to reflect changes. (yes there are more scientific ways of saying this and exactly how it all works, but that is not the point here :})

So here is the parallel...

We as Christians are supposed to reflect the light of the SON.  However as the things of earth come into our life our ability to reflect the SON diminishes. 

Our teacher asked us a few questions, "How much of the world do we allow in our life?  How well are able to reflect the SON with the influences of the world that we have allowed in?  Are we full moons, half moons, or quarter moons?  What would you like to be?"

A Quote and Testimony

The following quote and a testimony on Sunday, were laid on my heart this morning and I just wanted to share it with all of you. 

The Quote:
"Great things happen on the wheels of relationships.' And the oil that lubricates the wheels of relationships is love.  No power holds more potential for changing human relationships than the power of love."1.


Found on Pinterest

First off, I want to thank God for those words and how they convicted my heart!!  How many relationships do I want changed?  How many people do I want to see changed so that our relationship can be stronger and so that through our relationship we can be a brighter light to the world?

All I need to do is express His love...

Especially when people are unlovable...

Oh God, may you give us strength and courage to love no matter what!  Help us to show your love!

The Testimony:
On Sunday a woman in our church shared a testimony.  She had been reading in her devotions and in one of her devotionals the writer pointed out that most of us are willing to lay down our lives for those we love...but how many of us are willing to lay down our wills?

Ouch!

How many of us are willing to lay down our will, our desires, our thoughts and plans and show the love of Christ to every person we come in contact with...I will admit that this is a hard one for me...Some people are so much easier to show love to than others!!!  But how much more could the light of God shine through me if I would just surrender to HIS will and allow HIS love to flow through me!! 

How many of my relationships would blossom and grow if only I would love as Christ loves us...Unconditionally, laying down my selfish, prideful and stubborn will to be reflection of HIM. 


This is such a weak area for me!!  As I sat there reading and meditating over what I had read, the thoughts came..."Are you kidding, you can't lay down your will when people hurt you, you know how you react."  You are too weak to even try to love others when you pride has been hurt."




Found on Pinterest

I think you know the thoughts that Satan wants you think about that come flooding forward when your heart is convicted of something...but God in His love brought one of my favorite verses to mind.
"I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me."  Philippians 4:13

Yes!  I praised Him for bringing that to mind!  I can love others.  I can lay down my will.  I can kick my pride and selfishness out the door through Christ's strength!

Praise God!

Footnotes:
1. "God Speaks Your Love Language" by Gary Chapman pg. 186

Eric Ludy Video - Depraved Indifference

One of the ways God shows his love for the fatherless is through us... Are we living in such a way, that we are available and willing for Him to work through us at any time? 

What are your thoughts after watching that?

 



So...it's already January 19, 2014...how does time fly by so fast?  How do the days slip by?  I'm reminded to ask myself, "Am I using my 86,400 seconds, 1,440 minutes, 24 hours each day, to the best of my ability...to the glory of God?"
 
"Time flies. It’s up to you to navigate." ~ Robert Orben.    How am I/you navigating this new year, month, day?  Are we "bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;"?

We watched a video in Bible Study last night that made me think about how little I think about God through my day...It was a video talking about the symbolism and meanings found in the Israelite culture during Bible times.  The way they did things, when they did things, how they did things, etc.  Everything had a purpose it seemed.  Yes, they still had a life full of work, play, social time etc. but it seemed like they spent so much of their life reminding themselves of who God was, what He had done and promised....How often do I check in with God throughout my day?  I don't even have to go through a priest like the Israelites did!  He is always right beside me, waiting for me to "check in" with Him. 

My heart was/is convicted.  I need to "check in" and make sure my motives are glorifying to Him.  The job I'm working on honors Him.  The words I'm speaking and thoughts I'm thinking...would they make Him smile?  Do I praise Him throughout my day?  Do I look for His hand at work or do I just pass through my day...not noticing His hand providing, encouraging, helping...waiting for me?

I think it is so easy to focus on the negatives in life and forget about our real purpose in life...why is that?  Maybe because Satan is the Prince of this world and that is what he would like us to focus on...However, Christ is the KING of Everything and I think He wants me to see beyond the negatives, see the positives and keep our focus. See the blessings.  Yes, see the needs, but see them as blessings given to each of us as opportunities to serve our wonderful Savior!

Hebrews 12: 1-3

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.

Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted."

 Am I being a lighthouse every moment of every day or only sometimes?  Am I reflecting His love, forgiveness, grace, patience and humility all the time or only when I "remember"?  Am I running the race with purpose?

Thanking God...Even For 30 Degree Weather

      Yes, that is right, even 30 degree weather.   When you put into perspective that I spent 3 days in sub zero temperatures, then 30 degrees sounds (and feels) really nice :) 

  I tend to be one of those people that gets caught up in the here and now, in the details of the situation....I tend to lose my overview.  When I am working outside in -15 weather, my thoughts are focused on how quickly can I move to a southern state where it will NEVER hit that temp :)...However, living/working in those conditions helps me to appreciate things that I never would have been thankful for, had not my circumstance changed.  God in His wondrous grace opens my eyes to the blessings that he surrounds me with despite my sometimes inability to see them. 

Thank You God, for 30 degrees - a temperature that doesn't bite my nose off as soon as I step outside!!  Thank You God,  that I have warm clothes (and hand/body/feet warmers) to keep me from freezing!  Thank You God, for helping me see the beauty in the things that sometimes seem not so beautiful at first.

As I look back at 2013, I am struck with the realization of how much he taught me and allowed me to experience.  So many lessons that I didn't expect...(why do I even expect certain lessons - God likes to surprise us...maybe that was a lesson in flexibility..)  God allowed me to meet so many interesting people, experience new places and cultivate friendships both new and old that have become very special to my heart.

So as I think about the blessings found in 30 degree weather, I have to ask myself, how many other blessings did God have to show me by bringing me through a "hardship"?

Hmmm...maybe it was the "hardship" of losing a friendship that helped me see the blessings in other friendships.   Maybe it was the "hardship" of seeing other people having to go through a painful lesson and thanking God that I could learn through their experience rather then having to experience it myself.  Maybe it was having to hit rock bottom in my relationship with my Heavenly Father, that helped me realize that all that really mattered was pleasing Him and HIM ALONE...fulfilling His expectations of me - not the worlds, not the churches, not friends or even family - Only HIM!

Maybe???  God doesn't use "maybe's" He has a purpose in every word, every touch, every smile, every sunrise and every rain cloud...every 30 degree day. 

So...  Thank You God, for my 2013.  For the ups and the downs.  For the lessons and the blessings. 

Thank You for:

1. New friendships made
2. Old friendships rekindled
3. Forgiving me when I never did, will or do deserve
4. Allowing me to minister and serve in very special places...both old and new experiences - helping with VBS, volunteering at the Wilds of New England, working at Manor Gospel Fellowship in NYC on the building and with the food pantry,  helping with Operation Christmas Child at Samaritan's Purse in NC,  serving at church, helping with homeschooling my fantastic cousins and so much more!
5. The wonderful Bible Studies He has allowed me to participate in this year.
6. Giving me incredible opportunities to ride horses and learn so much at the barn!
7. Wonderful memories made this year


I hope you also have had a wonderful year filled with blessings and lessons!   May the New Year bring new lessons, mature our faith as believers and be filled with new, God lead, opportunities!

 

~ Of Waltzing and Marriage ~

I just read a post over at "Your Sacred Calling" and thought I would let you all know about it :]  It is just a short post titled "The Dance of Marriage."  It likens waltzing to marriage and I thought it was a great parallel to use. 


Love this waltzing picture from "The Young Victoria"
and thought it was appropriate for the post :]


Here is an excerpt:

"Just as an elegant waltz requires someone to skillfully lead the steps, so does the well-choreographed dance of marriage require a husband to lovingly lead his wife. He doesn’t stomp on her toes; instead, with strength and purpose, and an ear for the great Musician, he leads the dance."

Go check it out!  It will only take you a few moments as it is a really short post and I think you will like it :]

How do I know?



A few days ago I learned of a devastating circumstance that pulled a family we know apart.  The circumstances and reasons for this break up are not important, but the guilt, hurt, sorrow, pain, anger, worry, fear and so many other emotions are swirling around because of it. 



Bleeding heart flowers (found on google images)



As I was driving home the other day thinking of this family my heart went out to them.  I had, to my shame, judged in my heart, one of the daughters, as being very flippant, unfriendly, rude at times, and very focused on herself.  When I learned of what was happening to their family I was convicted of the thoughts I had had towards her.  I had no idea what she was going through and yet I had judged her. 

As I drove along the interstate and I watched the people drive past me, I thought about all the other times I had gotten mad at people, judged them, assumed things about them, because of what I was seeing in their behavior.  If someone swerved into my lane while driving on the highway, my usual response was anger that someone was either on the phone or not paying attention to their driving and were putting the lives of others in jeopardy.  However, as I thought about this family and what I had assumed about them, it made me think about those people who swerved into my lane and I how do I know if they weren't wiping away tears of sadness because they lost someone dear to them? 

How do I know that the lady in line at the store who cut in line in front of me isn't hurrying to finish her grocery shopping, so she can comfort someone who was just diagnosed with cancer?

How do I know that the woman who walked past me with no smile or word of greeting, but walked right past without so much as acknowleding my existence (even when I extended a smile and greeting to her), may be a Mom who has kids at home that have been sick for several days and she is so tired that she truly did not see me?

How do I know the boy who won't help with cleaning up and seems rebellious and focused on himself, isn't struggling with fear at being told he's "not doing it the right way" and is hurting inside because of lies he believes about himself and others. Like, "I'm worthless",  or "They are thinking (you fill in the blank) about me".

How do I know the girl who came across as flippant, unfriendly, and disrespectful isn't carrying a scarred heart, filled with pain and the only way she knows how to deal with it is to seem "fine" and "in control" even though inside she is reeling with confusion?

How do I know that the people walking past me everyday are fine, because they are dressed okay, act okay, appear okay, when inside they could be falling apart, crying in pain, struggling with issues that we cannot comprehend? 

There is so much pain around us and sometimes it is so easy to forget that since everyone seems either "okay" or "rebellious" or "unfriendly" all the time, we assume it is just the way they are.  But we never know what is going on on the inside of a person.  We never know what a kind word, a smile, a caring heart, a listening ear, a forgiving spirit or a patient response will help someone.

A single bleeding heart
flower
(found on google images.)

Jesus was the perfect example of forgivenss, love, friendliness, a non-judgemental spirit, but a compassionate and understanding heart filled with kindness and a desire to see the true person within.  Not the person they were trying to come across as.

I just wanted to share what was on my heart today.  I'm so thankful God loves me even though I mess up every single day.  As a "little Christ" my focus should be on turning what God gives to  me and sharing it with others, never caring if they "deserve" or "need" it.  Just doing it because God does it to me when I don't deserve it and He knows the needs of every person out there and I don't.

Praying you have a great weekend!

The Sweetes Flowers Are Found In The Canyons

Happy St. Patrick's Day everyone!  I hope you all have a wonderful day.

I read in my devotions this morning, a story that I thought all of you might enjoy and hopefully encourage you this weekend. 

"For our profit" Hebrews 12:10

~

In one of Ralph Connor's books he tells a story of Gwen.  Gwen was a wild, willful lassie and one who had always been accustomed to having her own way.  Then one day she met with a terrible accident which crippled her for life.  She became very rebellious and in the murmuring state she was visited by the sky pilot, as the missionary among the moutaineers was termed.

     He told her the parable of the canyon. "At first there were no canyons, but only the broad, open prairie.  One day the Master of the prairie, walking over his great lawns, where were only grasses, asked the prairie, 'Where are your flowers?' and the prairie said, 'Master, I have no seeds.'



Clematis



     "Then he spoke to the birds, and they carried seeds of every kind of flower and strewed them far and wide, and soon the prairie bloomed with crocuses and roses and buffalo beans and the yellow crowfoot and the wild sunflowers and the red lilies all summer long.  Then the Master came and was well pleased; but he missed the flowers he loved best of all, and he said to the prairie: 'Where are the clematis and columbine, the sweet violets and wildflowers, and all the ferns and flowering shrubs?'

     "And again he spoke to the birds, and again they carried all the seeds and scattered them far and wide.  But, again, when the Master came he could not find the flowers he loved best of all, and he said: 

     'Where are those my sweetest flowers?' and the prairie cried sorrowfully:

     'Oh, Master, I cannot keep the flowers, for the winds sweep fiercely and the sun beats upon my breast, and they wither up and fly away.'

     "Then the Master spoke to the lightning, and with one swift blow the lightning cleft the prairie to the heart.  And the prairie rocked and groaned in agony, and for many a day moaned bitterly over the black, jagged, gaping wound.

     "But the river poured its waters throught the cleft, and carried down deep black mold, and once more the birds carried seeds and strewed them in the canyon.  And after a long time the rough rocks were decked out with soft mosses and trailing vine, and all the nooks were hung with clematis and columbine, and great elms lifted up their huge tops high up into the sunlight, and down about their feet clustered the low cedars and balsams, and everywhere the violets and windflower and maidenhair grew and bloomed, till the canyon became the Master's favorite place for rest and peace and joy."

     "Then the sky pilot read to her: 'The fruit - I'll read flowers' - of the Spirit are love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness - and some of these grow only in the canyon."

     "Which are the canyon flowers?" asked Gwen softly, and the pilot answered: "Gentleness, meekness, longsuffering; but though the others, love, joy, peace, bloom in the open, yet never with so rich a bloom and so sweet a perfume as in the canyon."

     For a long time Gwen lay quite still, and then said wistfully, while her lips trembled: "There are no flowers in my canyon but only ragged rocks."

     "Some day they will bloom, Gwen dear; the Master will find them, and we, too, shall see them."

Beloved, when you come to your canyon, remember!

This is from the book "Streams In The Desert" by L.B. Cowman

Seeking Your Forgiveness....

Dear Readers,

I have to ask your forgiveness about a few of the posts that I have recently posted.  I can not tell you how sorry I am.

This past January I heard about a book called "One Thousand Gifts" by Ann Voskamp.  I had seen her book in the Christian bookstores but as our family is very skeptical of every book that hits the shelves because of the amount of unbiblical writings out there, I hadn't even looked at it.  However, in January I read a review on it that looked really good.  It talked about how we need to view everything in this world as gifts from God - even those things that don't seem good, because God allows everything for our greater good. I am sorry to say I was going through a time where I was really struggling and was looking for something that would help pull me out and help me to refocus.  I hoped that this would be a book that was written in a unique and personal way and that it would remind me of the things that I was having a hard time focusing on (the blessings I am surrounded by).
I admit that reading "One Thousand Gifts: A Dare To Live Fully Right Where You Are" was a struggle for me.

"Written entirely in the present tense, using an approach to the English language that takes numerous liberties for the sake of creating poetic feeling (like using adjectives when the rules of grammar demand an adverb and consistently having adjectives follow rather than precede the nouns they modify), Voskamp weaves a tale of discovering devotion to God through encounters with nature and art. In her experience, Voskamp found the secret to joy through what she calls eucharisteo ("giving thanks" transliterated from the Greek)."[1]

I didn't understand everything she was saying because of the way she wrote it and I didn't think too deeply about everything because I was looking through the "glasses" of my worldview, searching for things I could understand that would help bring me out of this struggle I was in.

I just finished reading chapter seven this morning and to be honest, I have gotten some very meaningful things out of her book.  However, because I didn't understand everything she was saying, I was picking out specific things I could understand and applying them.  For example, I saw her desire to see God in everything, not as a pantheistic view, but rather as Gifts that my heavenly Father had given me.  He isn't actually in them, nor they in Him, but He made them and I need to see the blessings and positive things He has given me.

Last evening, as I was checking my "Reading List" on my Blogger dashboard, I saw that Melinda at "Radiant Purity and True Beauty" had written a post titled "Pantheism and False Doctrine."  My love for apologetics caused me to find this title interesting as I had taken some classes on "Worldviews vs The Christian Worldview."  Needless to say I was shocked to see what she had written.

"When I first heard of Ann Voskamp's, One Thousand Gifts, I thought it sounded great. After all, we all see we need more gratitude and simplicity in our lives. So I bought it. But I returned it. It's full of false doctrine.  And scary doctrine.  Packaged in an appealing, dramatic writing form that attracts women, young and old, by swarms.  It's not good, folks.  Don't take it at face value...evaluate it with God's Word.  For that matter, never, ever, ever take anything for face value. Evaluate it closely with God's Word. Don't be deceived."[2]

I've been following Melinda's blog for almost two years now and I feel that we are on the same page on most things.  So if she felt led to write something that was a warning to other Christians I felt that there was some credibility to the warning.  She left a link to another blog that was doing a review on "One Thousand Gifts" and I followed it and again was hit with mixed emotions.  (Here is the link to those reviews)

I wanted to believe that the review was wrong.  How could a book that had brought such joy to my heart have so much false doctrine in it?  How could I have missed that false doctrine?  But I ultimately wanted to find the truth.  If this book had false doctrine in it, I needed to make an informed decision and do some research.  The relationship I have with God is not dependent upon my emotions or what a book says.  As a Christian, I need to be ready to "give an answer to every man that asketh you (me) a reason of the hope that is in you (me)." ~I Peter 3:15 

When I started taking classes in apologetics & worldviews a few years ago, I realized how important it is to search out the truth, compare what I read to Scripture, and be ready to give an answer. 

So, I started researching.  Here are a few links I found.  I need to say right up front that I am not endorsing the blogs, websites or the people that are writing them.  However the reviews I read on them helped me to understand why this book is unbiblical.  (Warning: Some of the content in Ann's book is graphic and in order to make their point some of the blogs used quotes that you will want to be careful when reading.)

*Romantic Panentheism,  a Review of One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp

By Bob DeWaay found on the blog "By Grace Alone"

*One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp: A Book Review Series - This is the first review I read. The one that Melinda sent her readers to, "Echoes In The Wind".

*One Thousand Gifts - A Gift or Bad Fruit? - This blog ("No Ordinary Faith")has two posts that I felt were really good.

Just to help prepare you as you go to read the above articles:

Pantheism: A belief that identifies the forces/energy of nature with god; god is everything and everything is god.[3]

"This ancient concept (pantheism) forms the theological foundation of the New Age movement." "Everything has divine power in it,' says Roman Catholic New Ager Matthew Fox, and this divine force is what gives the planet its 'sacredness."[4] "An example of pantheistic theology occurs in a New Age children's book entitled What Is God?: 'There are manyways to talk about God.  Does that mean that everything that everybody says about God is right?  Does that mean is everything? Yes! God is great and small!  God is everything far away and near!  God is everything bright and dark!  And God is everything in between!" [5]

This battle between the many different worldviews must be confronted and we must be ready to "give an answer."  It is a battle for the hearts and minds of the current generation as well as the ones to come.

"As believers in and followers of Jesus Christ, we need to consider how our commitment to Him affects...the way we think and act about theology, philospohy, ethics, biology, psychology, sociology, law, politics, econmics and history.  This collection of convictions is what we call a worldview.  And it is in the arena of worldviews that one of the greatest battles of our time is now being waged 24/7 in each of the ten areas listed above."[6]

"As Christians, our worldview should be based on the Bible and constructed around the person of Jesus Christ.  What would Jesus think?  What would Jesus do?" [7]

Please understand that I bring this up out of a sincere desire to rectify something that I allowed to happen on my blog and I am truly sorry.  As you read the other blogs, please read them with discernment, ask God to help you understand so that you can rightly divide what is truth and what is not.

Prayerfully Seeking Him,

Footnotes 1. http://www.bygracealone.net/2011/05/romantic-panentheism.html

                2. http://radiantpurityandbeauty.blogspot.com/2012/03/pantheism-and-false-doctrine.html
            3. Understanding The Times by David Noebel page 74
                4.  ibid as well as Matthew Fox, in an interview with Laura Hagar, "The Sounds of Silence," New
                    Age Journal (March/April 1989)
               5. Understanding The Times by David Noebel page 74
               6. Understanding The Times by David Noebel page 2
               7. Understanding The Times by David Noebel page 3